tHe bITcHinG pOinT

History repeats

2011-12-07T23:47:00.002+08:00

Seriously i dunno how many times i have to blog the same thing over and over again. My life just sux this way. What history? When things dun go accordingly for my dad, he destroys it.

Since young i seen him destroy stuffs...when ever his temper flares, I get new furnitures, phones, clothes and sometimes new pets.

So what happened this time round? What is the cause of this quarrel? the residential /business listing.

Its the time to collect the phone book. He had asked for the acknowledge slip to collect the book. I tot, its only collection...why not.... collection shdnt have any prob.... but still shit happens. He was given a set of the books. He expected 2 sets as we have 2 phone lines in the household. When i came back he told me of this, but i was thinking that it might be 1 set per household. I totally forgot that i had ordered for only one set since i have no use for it. The reason that he wanted 2 sets is that one for me and one for him (plus if there's 2 lines, we must have 2 sets mentality).

So i just explained that it might be the case of 1 house = 1 set theory, he argued that if thats the case since he has 2 hp lines under his name, he should only pay for 1 line.

Then i dunno how the conversation moved on to the residential lines....but in my old flat in Tao Ching, we have call transfer service and my dad paid $20 for it (dunno is monthly or activation). but as the old flat is enc-bloc, we were unable to reuse the old residential line. Thus we were unable to "transfer" the old subscription. I was informed that if we want the old services, we need to pay the activation fees again. And since the phoneline is generally used for surfing the internet and all of us has cell phones, i tot that i shd not be wasting money to activate a service which is not required. And he is unhappy with this cuz it is my fault that he is unable to use this service cuz i transfer it under my name. No matter how many times i explained about the new lines, he doesnt listen. He is currently using my mom's old number but my mom had some subscriptions that is still ongoing but no one is using. My mom buys 4D and she subscripts to the results, she watches Singtel mobile tV on the go and has ringtone sent to her....now that she is gone my dad dun use these services but he doesnt allow me to cancel any of these services....he dun even know he had them (except the 4D results). And i had to pay additional $10 every month for it. After explaining to him he got unhappy and he took out the SIM card and snapped it into 2, asking me to go cancel the line.

Now great, no card = cannot use. But that's not the end of the saga, to cancel the line, i'd need his IC. To hell i'll go if he gives me his IC. So now means I'm paying $50/mth for a useless line which i cant cancel. And let say if he changed his mind, $30 will be wasted for the replacement SIM card.

no matter what, my money is wasted.

Frustrated...

2011-09-18T22:21:00.005+08:00

Just when will my problem go away? How many times do i have to go thru this? Why do i say it in singular but not pural form? The problem is my dad. Without him, I can get a maid to help me take care of Cedric. At least, the maid will listen to my instructions and not throw temper at me. I'm sick of hearing his complains, sick of having to help him find every single nail, bolt and screw he dropped cuz he cant see. Not that i dun wan to help him. He spends money on low quality stuff and when they dun work, he tries to repair it. But as he cant see, he spoils or make it worse in the process. then he blames everyone else but himself.

If happens that Cedric is in the vicinity, he'll blame Cedric for hindering his work. He starts raising his voice at Cedric. And since i dun like to hear his voice, I will have to scold Cedric cuz i cant fault my dad. I feel bad for Cedric, cuz most of the time he is innocent. But because I have such father, his time is ending, I have to give in to him. Why cant i have a Dad that is reasonable? I dun mind if he is poor as long as he has a proper job. I dun mind even if he is sick and requires treatment, as long as he goes for his treatment and listens to us and understands that we do care.

This is something that i hope and wish for but its something that i can never have....

My prayer

2011-06-17T15:48:00.002+08:00

Dear Lord,
I ask for your forgiveness. I saw some pics and hoped that I was in someone elses place. It could have been me. He was my bf. I really envy his wife. To be getting the love from the guy who loves only you, who is dedicated to you.

Lord, when is it my turn to be loved? Is it because I failed to love myself? Because I doubted myself? Teach me Lord, to love and be loved. To be satisfied with what I have and let me be envied by the others.

I know it is too much to ask. I just want to complain. Thank you Lord for listening.

In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.

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Feelings

2011-06-09T01:24:00.002+08:00

After posting the last blog, I was browsing my previous entries... My tears starts to stream down my face. A thought came to me, things that I wanted to say to Colin:

Colin, are you happy now? After our divorce, does that make you a happier person? If it does, I'm happy for you, cuz I din go thru those sufferings in vain. If it doesn't, do we still have a chance to make it work out right? For Cedric too?

Though we're back on toking terms now, I'll nv b able to pluck that courage to tell you all these. I made mistakes in our relationship but I've nv realise it till its too late.

My life has been changed by your decision. I'll nv b truely happy. I can't turn back time. I regret.

I just pray that there might be that 0.1% you'll rmb my good points and that you too will hope for those good times again.

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Welcome back!!

2011-06-09T00:46:00.002+08:00

Hehehe... I'm abit ashamed to post this...cuz its been a long while since I last blogged...finally, I found this app that I can use for blogging and I'm sure I'll b using it often. Still the same question in my mind... Who is left reading this blog?

Anyway, even if no one else reads this, I'm fine with it... Cuz this will be the place whr I whine and complain, thus the name BITCHING POINT.

Well, loads of things happened in the past 2 years...I've gotten divorced, finally the house issue is settled. I've got a bf but things dun seem to go on quite well, I've worked as HR in NTU, that din work out too... Now I'm in sales, like the environment, like the job but my health and family do no agree to it...my mom passed away in Nov 2010, and half a yr later my dad is diagnosed with colon cancer...to really sum up, I feel that my life sux big time and to put it nicely, my faith is being tested.

I'll say I do believe in Christ, but I'm just lazy to attend church. Sloth, one of the seven deadly sins. In fact, I'm lazy to do anything. If it din start the way I want it, then I tend to be lazy and not continue it... Or lose focus of my goals.

Enuf of that, I want to start my complain. I've been running for the lol, 6-8 times today cuz of diarrhea. And, to make it worst, Aunt Ruby join in the game. Starting last week I had plans to start slimming down... So I had been exercising. Was planning to go swim again but had to give up the idea.

I've also decided to re-decor my room, so that I can hv more space for exercise and most importantly, Cedric can have a place to play. Most likely, its gonna be a major make over...then I can invite ppl to my hse, for console games or if I can get a table, a mahjong session....wahaha...my hand is itchy just thinking of it.

Anyway, I guess that's all I wanna say nw... See ya'll soon...I hope. *grin*

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She's gone forever

2010-11-26T20:08:00.002+08:00

Couldnt sleep the night before this. Mom's already been admitted into the hospital. Her condition is not looking good. Doctor mentioned that she might require life-support to assist her breathing. This is something that we all know she did not want.

Around 2 pm yesterday Tuesday afternoon, the hospital called to inform me that she was doing better, only needed normal oxygen mask. But who knows, only after 1 hour, they called to say her condition worsen. She had to be placed on the high pressure oxygen mask. If it gets any worse, she will be on the life support machine. I had guessed that something is not right that night cause i was unable to sleep.

The call came at 3 am in the morning, informing me that they had placed my mom on life support. My sis and i had to go to the hospital in the morning. We had decided to keep the truth from my dad. The doctor mentioned that the next 24 hours will be the critical moment. Her heartrate was going between 140-160. With such conditions, its either her lungs or her heart dies out first. It'll be a miracle if my mom survives this.

Friends and family members came one after another to encourage my mom to hold on. They had prayed for her too.

4pm, Doctors called for a meeting with the family members again. My dad is still out of the picture. NUH informed us that my mom's condition had dropped further and how they are unable to do anything for her except to lessen her pain. They told us to be prepared for the worse. My sis and i decided to inform my dad as we do not want him to miss seeing her for one last time. While waiting for my dad, we nearly lost her. Her heartrate was going at 166, i'm so worried that she will miss my dad and Cedric. I know that even though she is unconcious, she can still hear us. Her heartrate dropped to 140 everytime i begged her to hang on, to wait for Dad to arrive. They reached at 9.30pm.

10.3opm, 36 hours since i last slept. Crashing. I was sent home. Reached home around 11.30pm. Made Cedric sleep and i change out of my clothes only to receive a call from NUH that my mom's heartbeat was going too fast. James was left behind to watch over mom at the visitor's lounge but having no sleep the previous night, he too fell asleep. While heading out of the house, my dad had known that my mom's condition had worsen. He cant go back to the hospital as Cedric needed someone to look after. Called my sis to come pick me up, and head back to the hospital.

At 26 Nov, 12.06am, i received a call from James informing me that my mom is gone. We reached the hospital at 12.20am that day...we were too late. My mom is gone forever...

Anger

2010-11-15T19:05:00.000+08:00

This is the day i will never forget. This day has left a permanant mark on my arm. I had made a serious mistake of quarelling with my dad once again. to the extend that I'm so tempted to murder him. So bad that i had to cut myself in order not to hurt him.

The cause of it started with Cedric being sick and suspected with HFMD. W/o MC, he is unable to return back to school. which I had forgotten to pass it to my dad. My dad had a hard time trying to get Cedric to school only have the school refuse to let Cedric in w/o the MC. My dad got worked up and caused problems for the school yet again. Ultimately i could not handle the stress i fought back.

I slit my arm with a pen knife. The blood came gushing out, its not painful nut just seeing how the blood comes out so fast and in such quantity with just a small wound is terrifying.

Something not to be attempted again.

Tired...

2010-10-07T09:43:00.004+08:00

So much has happened in the past 6 mths that made me very tired. I had a change of environment... new job, new colleagues... thinking that everything will go out smoothly for me... but as the saying goes.... life is like a bed of roses, its beautiful but full of thorns...

My new environment at work totally suck...My boss is my relative who is very understanding and concerned abt me. That's not really a bad thing. But its my colleagues that make me sick of going to work... I noe my weaknesses but i am trying my best to overcome them. My colleagues are not understanding and they make the office a living hell for me. Everyday i come into office hoping that the day will end quickly. Initially, i tried to make conversations with them but after trying and getting hurt in the process, i give up. If you take the initiative to tok to ppl, and they do not want to response, its nt your fault. they are a bunch of awful ppl who thinks only of themselves... of cuz not all are that bad but for the not so bad ones, its the case of "if i tok to you, i might get isolated too". Pressure and stress from these ppl can drive me crazy. They do not dare to do anything when the boss is ard. But when the boss is away, i can get hell. I was being shouted at and its humiliating. More so i was being shouted at for helping them do a case.

I had questions abt work that i nt sure of cuz i have to ask rite? I know beforehand that the boxes in the common area are unslightly, and boss din like tat. All i wanted to do was to move some boxes out from the crowded area to look for a missing box... nt that I'm just leaving them there... I had to ask the boss... after asking, boss says to discuss among ourselves. I check with the Snr again... she had to go into the boss rm to cfm... after coming out she can show me black face and say : "Next time ask the questions u're suppose to ask, dun act smart ask other things". if i'm that clever, i wun be working here...bloody hell...these shitty ppl.

so rite nw i just work on my own and i dun tok to any of them... The joke is tat when i first arrived, my boss says i anti-social.... to all that knows me... "SINCE WHEN AM I ANTI SOCIAL???" i nv am anti social fyi. Period.

Just because i kept quiet, that doesnt mean i give you permission to walk all over me. I juz choose not to blow up the matter. But they choose to take my silence as i'm ez to trifle with...juz they wait...when i cant hold it anymore, i'll just shot my ammo and throw my letter.

Left alone again

2010-04-01T16:31:00.002+08:00

In wanting to spend more time with him, I told a lie. Instead of wrking, I went to his temple with him. Being tired as I was, I had to force a smile so that he wun notice...but I guess he did.

He suggested tat we shd go sentosa tonite. its already 9.30pm n I quite certain tat all shops are cls. I'd rather go hm. He asked very nicely if I cld accompany him n I agreed.

As bikes are nt allowed inside, we had to tk alternate transport in. He headed 4 d monorail, whereas I suggested d bus as it was cheaper. I paid for his fare.

As expected, all shops were closed. We got lost and damn nearly miss d last bus out of sentosa. He can still ask me Wat to do if we already miss d bus. I said to get a cab out. which meant to say I had to pay for it too. thank God we were in time.

Knowing tat he is tired, I suggested I go back on my own. Hell, he agreed. God knows I'm dead tired myself. But I still wish he had at least offered. Nw I'm left alone to wait for my long bus ride hm.

心情不好

2010-03-31T18:47:00.000+08:00

有很久的时间没有写自己的心情日记了。我看只有在发生重大事情时才会像写下来吧！

星期一：妈妈又再度离家到姐姐家去了。不知道发生什么事，只知道妈妈是被爸爸赶走的。

星期三：为了不想浪费时间，想说可以到建屋局把手续办一办。没想到最重要的文件弄丢了。花了三小时还是找不到。早一点放工，想到爸爸和子毅没钱吃饭，打包回家。一回到家，子毅的车子坏了，心想：“爸爸的心情也‘坏了’”

为什么是我

2010-02-08T18:37:00.001+08:00

今天又开了“家庭会议". 到最后还是没结果。我还是不明白，为什么总是要我搬家？不是我不承认我的过错，可是最大的肇事者不是我啊！只要他不要来管我在做什么，让我有自己的空间，那不就天下太平了吗？当妈妈的都没有管教自己儿子的权利，那我当妈妈又有何用？到头来我还不是一无是处，废物一个？

我的坏脾气

2010-02-05T18:27:00.000+08:00

两次，我今天又没理由的发了脾气。明明就知道他很关心我，可是我就是不喜欢他那样对我。就像妈妈常说的，我不懂的领情。爸爸对我的好也是如此。可能是应为爸爸的缘故，所以别人对我好，我就不自在。因为都没有空间让我独立和长大。这反而让我觉得自己凡是都得靠别人。自己很没用。我知道他哭了。心理也会难过。只因为他想更爱我，我就发脾气。对他真的很抱歉。

happiness...so near yet so far

2009-11-12T10:56:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i seriously wondered if I am just not suppose to lead a happy
life. everytime when i feel bliss, something else comes along and destroy
all happiness. It makes me fearful. I think I am jinxed. I dun deserve to
be happy...or i should say, my happiness is obtained from other ppl's
sorrow. Evil...It just seems that way...I shd be left alone and let to rot
in hell. I shd just push away my source of gladness, my comfort, prevent
history from repeating itself.

Jon, u asked me wat if u cant get along with my dad? I dunno hw to answer
u. I'm bounded by responsibilities to take care of him till he dies. I
cant leave him for u. I can only have a life after I'm free from him...

Being Stupid

2009-09-19T12:35:00.002+08:00

currently at work and staring into blank space. I was daydreaming that i
was in outer space in a space shuttle.
Turning my head to the porthole, i saw a spacecraft debri passing by n
heading for earth.
The next thing i see is, I'm back on earth and watching the debri zooming
towards me (all the fire n sparks).

The next thing i hear is the sound of the thunder, scaring me half to
death, thinking the debri is really coming for me.
Thank God it's only my daydream.

Itching for some table action

2009-09-15T10:32:00.001+08:00

I think I'm really obsessed with mahjong. Hearing the sounds made by the
shredder and imaging it to be the sound of mahjong, i tell u I'm facing a
serious problem.

Distant

2009-07-16T21:42:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling lost. I'm feeling lonely. where are all of you? Why are you not at my side when i need you all? Have i done something wrong? i dun hear from all of u anymore. I felt like I'm being cast aside like a rag doll, no longer needed, no longer wanted by anyone.

Why are you all doing this to me? when i need me, i nv turn away from you.. but where are u when i needed you? i tot i cld relie on you or at least hv someone to listen to my problems like i've done for u. but now i've got no one to tok to.

dont leave me alone. i'm tired n i cant cope alone anymore.

A different kind of lifestyle

2009-07-10T10:22:00.001+08:00

Currently just paying more attention to my job as I have look after the
livelihood of 3 other pax. There are opportunities for a new relationship
but i dun wanna go think about it now as it will be unfair him. Of cuz i
can be a total bitch and play with other ppl's feelings but I think i have
enough trouble for now.

Not much different from when i last blogged, still working (passed my
probation le!! yeah!!). Usually is after work just go home straight.
Reach home feed Cedric / have dinner with my parents, head str to the room
for dramas with Cedric happily playing his DS beside me. Been trying to
make Cedric slp by 10.30pm for about 1 mth but he still refuses to slp
unless it's 11pm and must be after he finishes his chocolate milk. He is so
prone to nightmares and thus causing me to be sleep deprived. With that
comes the headache and plenty of other stuff.

Getting used to the new lifestyle

2009-03-10T14:02:00.002+08:00

Being a single mom now can be a challenge. There are so many things i have to get used to w/o Colin ard. I guess I was so depended on him that he was burdened by it. But no point for me to harp on it. It has passed. Now, though i cant have much time for myself since i have to be both mom n dad for Cedric, I find that the time i spend with him is really enjoyable.

Most of the time Cedric used to play in the living rm by himself. Now he sits beside me and we would play the DS together. Often, I'm tempted to take it away to play by myself cuz he's not the sharing type. That is the time when playtime and discipline comes in together. I'll take the game from him and ask him to sit in front of me while i teach him hw to play the game.
It is also at this time I learn to be more patient with him. I used to cane him for the slightest mistake that he made. Often caninghim first before explaining why he is being caned for. But right now, it is different. When he misbehave the first time, I'll tell him off that what he did was wrong. And if he were to do it again, he'll be punished with a stroke of cane on his palm.

The second time the same mistake made, i'll come round with the cane and remind him tat he is to be punished. It's really comical when the punishment is being carried out. I'll ask him to stretch out his hand and open his palm. Then at this time he'll tell me something real cute like Mommy, cannot beat hard hard huh!!" (-_-lll)

At least now he knows that he'll be punished for the wrong things that he has done. I'll give myself a pat on the back for that..hehe~

For all my frens and relatives ard me, I just wanna say that I'm coping well now and do not worry about me. I have so much to look forward to and I'm definately looking forward to it. (dunno if all these make sense!!)

Hooray to Technology!!

2009-02-25T16:35:00.001+08:00

To all my dear frens out there who are always bugging me to update my blog...here i am.

This is all thanks to Jess(Subct) who told me i can do my entry via email.
You see, i do not have the luxury to check out all the functions of Blogspot.
With this information, i can blog while I'm in office. But then it'll be all words and no pics.
Then, no excuse for me not to blog anymore.

So much about blogging, let me tok cock about other tech that I'm interested in.

Handphone: HTC Touch (Smartphone)

Pros:
1. Calendar function: ez to use and looks very nice...u can toogle the views by day, wks or mth.
2. Office mobile: Recently picked up a habit to note down my expenses, with Excel, i can sync with PC to create charts to keep track.
3. Application: Wattpad, allows me to d/l books and read them offline. I dun have to carry a heavy book ard.

Cons:
1. I so so hate the hp going into GPRS on its own. Caused me to pay for bandwidth that i didnt use at all.
2. Smart phones always hang... Dunno why
3. SMS is difficult as u hv to keep ur eyes on the screen.

Conclusion for phone: I'll still be using my HTC as i've grown accustomed to it.
I'm looking forward to the next generation, HTC Dream and I'm saving up for it.

Actually wanted to tok more abot other tech but suddenly more wrk came in...haiz~
Till tml den...jaa mata!

Final Decision

2009-02-24T11:54:00.001+08:00

Met up with Colin last nite to have a chat. Need to get some answers from him before i make my final decision.
Since that frightful day, it has been clear to me that I have to let go of my feelings for him. But I still have to think on behalf of Cedric.
He needs a father to grow up with.

After toking to Colin, it was very clear that Cedric does not need a father like Colin.
Besides, Colin has made it clear that he doesnt want his son. I asked myself, since that is the case, Cedric can well do without a father.
A desion has been made, another thorn out of my heart, but another load to bear.
I have to be both a father n mother to Cedric. My responsibility has escalated.

I'm not sure if i can do a good job of it but I'll try my best.
Thanks to all who have walked with me thru this period of dark times.
I have disappointed many ppl in the process, but please give me time to grow up mentally as a mother, daughter, sister and friend.
I'm really trying very hard now.

Bobby Tinsley - You moved on

2009-01-03T18:52:00.001+08:00

Heard this song on the net and find it super romantic... How i wish someone will sing this song to me. Okies lah... dun need to sing also can...dedicate this song to me at least. Here's the lyrics to the song:

u moved on - bobby tinsley

I fall down on my knees everynight

And for you baby

That your heart never again feel cold

Not from me baby

Cause I live everyday to only love you more

And to let you know your the only girl that I adore

[Chorus]

So hear me

So sleep don't cry I will never say goodbye

When the rain falls down girl

I'll keep you dry

Feel my love is so strong

I wrote you this song

The past is gone

Cause the day that you met me you moved on

You moved on

My world did not feel the same without you

My world would not feel the same

I don't know what I would do

Like a star shining in the darkest of night

Your my bright spot baby

Cause I live everyday to only love you more

And to let you know your the only girl that I adore

[Chorus]

So hear me

So sleep don't cry I will never say goodbye

When the rain falls down girl

I'll keep you dry

Feel my love is so strong

I wrote you this song

The past is gone

Cause the day that you met me you moved on

I know that you might of been mad before

Thats why everyday i'm bouta love you more

Everyday, so you'll know that love can be for sure

And day after day, i'll still be in love with you

Don't speak don't cry I will never say goodbye

When the rain falls down girl

I'll keep you dry

Feel my love is so strong

That I wrote you this song

The past is gone

Cause the day that you met me you moved on

[Chorus]

Don't sleep don't cry I will never say goodbye

When the rain falls down girl

I'll keep you dry

Feel my love is so strong

I wrote you this song

The past is gone

Cause the day that you met me you moved on

You moved on

Cause the day that you met me you moved on

Robert Pattinson is Edward Cullen

2008-12-30T13:58:00.000+08:00

this guy rocks big time... OMG!! I'm totally into him nw... when i first saw the trailers to the movie, i was wondering who the hell is this guy?? he looks damn familiar...i've seen him somewhere. After checking on the internet, I found his name in the cast of Harry Potter and the Globlet of Fire. And guess what... HE is CEDRIC DIGGORY!!!

Catch him in this latest movie hit: The Twilight....OMG...vampire love story. whoohoo!

Hurt beyond repair

2008-12-03T18:46:00.000+08:00

Do you know how does it feel when you show me that u still care for me? Do you know how does it feels when the very next day you turn and gave me a cold shoulder telling me that you dun love me anymore? My heart has been torn in to pieces. your care and concern for me helps it heal a little but without giving it time to fully recover, u tear it into pieces again?
u asked me to give u time to find back the love.. but who will give me time to recover?

you want to divorce. Never have i thought tat you were this hard hearted. i tried to change my ways, but u say its too late. no matter wat i do now wun change ur mind. I told u to put urself in my shoes n think, y i refuse to get a divorce. Why did i allow u to break my heart over n over again? i could have easily said yes to it. Say yes and get on with my life. But do i have a life after that? I'm ruined. my life is ruined. I'm not that strong.

I tot that if bb is dead then our problems will be solved, but he is innocent. he din choose to come to this place. we made him come. I tried to kill myself but when i tot of how u treat him i couldnt bear to leave him with u. I tot of killing u. but wun i be doing the same thing by divorcing?

what can i do now? how can i stop u from hurting me? I cant take it anymore.

What is there left when love is gone?

2008-11-29T18:40:00.000+08:00

Never have i thought that i'll find out for myself.

When love is gone, not even friendship is left. What is left of it is only mounts and mounts of heartache, endless despair. Not even hope is left.

Nothing. Empty.

Searching for a friend

2008-11-10T08:24:00.000+08:00

There you were in ur uniform, going about doing your rounds. As always, your were meticulous. But still i only dare to watch you from afar. Afraid that you might get angry when u see me. You hvnt been toking to me since eons ago. I dunno wat made u angry, we just suddenly stopped toking. You were informed of my presence, and sudddenly u were out of my sight. I tried to search around but you were already gone. I woke up.

We had been best of friends yet we are now apart. Remarks were made about our friendship but I didnt really care about wat they say. We always worked well together as a team. we really understood each other. But then again, all these are gone. You never told me wat i did wrong.
Even when i want to look for you, i only dare to do so in my dreams. And even in my dreams i do not dare to approach you, afraid you'll get angry even more. tell me what i shd do?

One sickening thought

2008-11-06T08:49:00.000+08:00

To run away from my probs. Wreck a chaos before i do. severe all ties. leave the innocents out of this family.

My parents hvnt been the nicest ones ard so why shd i treat them the same? they hv been given a place to stay and yet they take it for granted. Caught in the middle of all these, Colin n Cedric are the ones that are suffering. Bcuz of these parents, I'd rather divorce with Colin so that he is not inflicted by the damages. Without my parents, they will lead a happier life. I dun blame Colin. To a point that, even if one day I find out that he is cheating on me I still wun blame him. He has had enuff. I dun deserve him. I will chose to leave him not becuz he cheat on me but bcuz that is the only way to make him leave me. He deserves someone better than me. Cedric deserves a better mother. Not someone who hits him and scolds him when she is down. Cedric deserves to grow up in a better environment. Away from my parents. Cedric is better off with Colin when they goes back to my in laws place.

Leave. leave the home that I've created with Colin. It shdnt be there in the first place. A dream that shd nv materialise. A dream that became a nightmare. I am cursed. Return peace to those that have been dragged into it. I shd hv abort the baby when i had a chance. why did i bring him into this world to face all this shit? why shd he shoulder all my misdeeds?

Revenge. divorce Colin then split the house. they din pay for it. why shd they have a say in it? the hse has to go. They can go fend for themselves. they shd be tot a lesson. they will be homeless. they think my sister is willing to take them in? they are kidding themselves. she choose to get married earlier to leave this hm. if not bcuz of a the enc-bloc, u think i dun want to hv my own hse too? one moment of mercy, i dragged my husband and son into this whirlpool of shit that comes from the 2 of u. We have to options to go to Colin's hse. let u go pay for ur own flat...if u can afford that is. when we got the hse key, u get the cash check. Not us. Yet you were surprised when i said u guys din pay for the hse. yah...for the mere 6k tat was taken from ur CPF. I can top up that amount into ur acct anytime.

since i was young, u said that you wun rely on us to take care of u. U already planned to stay in the old folks home. I hope that u meant wat u said. I pray that u are prepared and really found a home to stay. cuz i wun hesitate to throw u guys out. even if I'd be blamed for being heartless, even if I'll be condemned. I have had enuff.

dun judge me. i hv a life tat nobody understands except for myself and God. I have forsaken him, i have forsaken myself. I will be the Devil if i must protect the ones that i love.

Out of job: Yet again

2008-10-23T08:48:00.000+08:00

Been down on my luck lately. Lets recount the events:

4 Sept, 4..30pm:

Flank my driving test, accumulating 42 pts with 1 immediate failure when i fail to stop at stop sign.

4 Sept, 5-6pm:

While still sad about the test, i headed home. Had a fall at lakeside MRT bus stop while trying to board the bus. It was so painful that i couldnt even stand and had to be pulled up by 2 persons.

They helped me up the bus too cuz i really need to get hm n rest my feet. But I soon realise that i'd hv a prob when i alight. The short distance from the bus stop to my hse suddenly seems like the silk road... long and winding... luckily there was a kind Chinese national who offer to piggy back me to my block.

When i was hm, it came across that it wasnt a norm sprain cuz if it was, i normally can just walk it off. Besides, norm sprains usually occurs on either side of the ankle but my ankle was hurting on both sides. I was worried that i might hv dislocated my ankle or maybe there was a fracture.

5 sept, 7.30am:

The pain was killing me and i had a hard time trying to get off the bed n going to the bathroom. My husband and mom was worried so they decided that i shd go A&E immediately. We took a cab down and good news was that the A&E was empty so we were able to see the doc quite soon. X-ray was taken and i was injected with pain killers and asked to stay in observation for an hr.

No fractures or dislocation was shown so i was discharged with 1wk MC and was referred to Jurong Medical Centre(JMC) for physiotheraphy.

So to cut a very long story short, bcuz of this injury, i'll hv to rest at hm for more than 3 mths. Contacted my boss to inform him and was told that he is unable to wait for such a long time due to the fact that the office is shortage of manpower. I have no choice but to resign and forfeit my bonus. I was also informed by HR that bcuz i cant serve by notice, I'll hv to pay for it... kaoz... u think wat i print money at hm the ar? already i cant wrk and need to stay hm, on top of that i have to visit the doc every week...kns lor... i nv ask u ppl to gv me money already gd enuff and u asking me to pay....

So nw most of my time is spent rotting at hm with no where to go and no one in the rite frame of mind will ask me out. Colin is at wrk in the afternoon and when he is hm, he'll shut himself in the rm after he settles Cedric's stuff. I'll be in the living rm watching TV with Cedric. But wat i was hoping was for some time with my husband and I've been feeling really neglected by him lately. I hvnt had any chance to chat with him. though sometimes he calls from wrk but these calls are made to check that he's son is in sch. cuz by the time i managed to get Cedric to slp at nite, Colin has already gone to bed. It feels like he is only a stranger who happens to share the same bed as me. No word of concern from him.

anyway, my round of bad luck has started and i really wonder when it will stop. But come to think of it, it was always there in the first place.

2008-08-20T09:55:00.000+08:00

Recent events has prompted me to write another entry yet again.

I've been changing my jobs so often that i can hardly keep track of where i've worked before. Now, I' thinking of changing jobs again. But this time round I'll stay clear of administration job. It's totally not for me, not my cup of tea.

I realised that I'm keen in looking for work that allows me to meet alot of people and at the same time i get to travel. Maybe I'll try Events, but then I'd have to work late and sometimes in the weekend. I did thought of being a travel journalist but then again, my English is 'private limited'.

Just last month, I really had enough of travelling 2hrs back and forth wrk that i decided to tender resignation again. Both my immediate supervisor and another colleague managed to convinced me that i shd not quit nw. My colleague, BC says that i shd wait till end of the year when i hv gotten my bonus then i quit. That i agree... no point waste the bonus rite? But who knows, a wk after the chat with her, BC informed me that she had tender her resignation. Her last day will be end of Aug. (-_-ll) 'Doh!! ask me not to go and wait for bonus and nw u're leaving...wat logic??

Not long after that, my supervisor also made her announcement that she is leaving the co. Erm...you guys hor...really de lor... I asked her why she decided to leave already still ask me to stay? Her reason is that her situation was different from mine. They have found new jobs and have better opportunity out there. This I agreed, cuz the reason for my leaving is to stay at hm and take care of my son, which will put Colin in a financially dire state.
Finally i agreed that i'll stay on (till after bonus, of cuz!!) and slowly find a better job nearer to hm.

So final conclusion. take bonus then leave. no need to help company save money de!!

Update of my life - Coach fanatics

2008-05-27T10:27:00.000+08:00

So far so good in my new office, at least i'm getting along well. Work wise, as long as i'm concentrating i can get it done fast and good but I tend to lag abit and do other stuff first. Classic example: blogging.

While walking into the office today, i see all my colleagues in pairs staring at the PC screen, curiosity got the better of me so i went to chap ji kar... wah kaoz! all viewing Coach's official website. Even my supervisor also doing the same. Watching them viewing the bags me oso backside itchy lah... since i dun need to process any orders, i can guang ming zheng da view till my eyes pop...not bad lah but prob is buying then having it sent to me. One of my colleague is nw in US, that's y the rest(ladies) are so eager to get it nw.

Anyway, after browsing, i decided to get myself one for my bday but i guess it's gonna be a belated one as i'm financially tight nw. So i added a new element in this blog..."wish list" so tat i can remember wat i wanna get, or if anyone wish to buy as gift (better still) for me i oso wun mind de...hehe

As for the other items listed there...it's gonna be a long wait... Mr Loh, I will find you...please gv me a good price.

Without a clue

2008-05-03T22:50:00.000+08:00

Alone in my bedroom w/o Colin and bb in the hse. all seems so quiet yet when Colin calls me from my in-law's place, i find it really irritating. what's wrong with me?

I realise that i cant communicate with ppl who are close to me. is it my attitude? but i've been like this since u guys know me. i havnt changed and i dun foresee myself changing either, but what has gone wrong?

all bcuz i'm married? i hv a responsibility nw that I'm a mother? but i do have a life too... i wanna be who i am and not wat all of u portray me to be. I wanna be out there with my frens, to share all ur good and bad. I want to be the shoulder that you can lean on, be there for u.

colin: i'm not sure y we're always arguing. we dun seem to see eye to eye nw. i dun want to go thru this every day. I'm human and i do feel the pain too. i know u care about our son, but i need u to care about me too. Is a hug from u too much to ask for?

biyi: i'm happy for u. u're my confidant and i still need u. i might be asking too much but i really missed the times that we're always hanging out together.

mic: i was reading ur blog and realise that i really missed out alot. I wish that i can be there to share ur probs. though i cant do much but i can always be ur listening ear.

des: we've been frens for so long and we've only had 2 major conversations that i can recall. 1 was when we're still in pri sch and another one was at mic's chalet. i'd love to chat with u more often, even if it means nagging from u. funny rite? but i value ur comments/opinions.

I'm not sure who else reads my blogs or if anyone is still reading but i seriously need frens at this time of my life. someone pls let me know that u still care be it verbally or physically cuz i'm a blockhead that needs reaassurance.

Surprise?!!!

2008-04-24T11:07:00.000+08:00

It's been a very long time since i last blogged here... i guess no one is really reading my blogs nw...can't blame them, i hvn't been writing at all.

I've been in and out of jobs, looking after my son and all that i hardly have time for myself.
And even if i do sit in front of the tv, I'll be online watching Dramas that i have missed.
Long forgotten about my blogs, and i dun even know where to start.
I guess nw I'm just blabbering non-stop.

As mentioned, been bz with Cedric. He hvn't been well lately. His cough still persist and he is now officially diagnosed with asthma. I'm lucky that i hv a very understanding boss who allows me to take 2 wks leave(me still under probation) just to take care of him.

Been partying ard quite alot lately. But I really enjoyed myself with IDG and all. Of cuz, there's also the chalets where Cedric is little Prince Charming.

I hope I'll be able to blog more often as I feel that i've been bottling up all my feelings too much and i might blow up. I need another channel to express myself....

Restless

2007-12-19T09:18:00.000+08:00

I'm staying at home most of the time doing nth except playing games online and reading my comics. most of the time I'm also catching up with my sleep.

Nw that I'm jobless i finally can find time to lobo...but that is not very healthy though...
Most ppl find staying at home boring and they wld like to get out but I find it a waste of time and money going out...

I dun mind going for yoga though... i've already paid for my membership. Since i hv the time nw, i might as well try to get those weights off. The body is willing but the mind is not...All right,i admit thatI'm just plain lazy.

funny that it's been such a long time since i last blogged and still i'm unable to find things to tok about...i guess i'm not ur typical blogger

most of my blogs are just crap and rants about hw life has been fair/unfair to me. Seriously wondering hw many of u actuall reads this page? but i guess the number has been decreasing since I've been MIA for so long.

Till then, when i seriously knows wat i'll write about... i'll juz end this here...ciao~

New environment, more problems

2007-10-17T13:57:00.000+08:00

Hi all,

I've changed a new job but still sick and tired of my life.

I still cant handle my problems at home.

Cedric has been sick for quite some time now and I'm totally fed-up with a paranoid husband.

I can tell him (till the cows come home) that Cedric is fine and he will NEVER listen.

For the past 1 mth, Cedric has been sent to the doctor 4 times and the hospital once.

All because Colin thinks his son is gonna die.

He would ignore our advice of wait and see. Cuz he thinks if we wait, his son will DIE!!

Cedric has been coughing thru the nite and my dad is irritated by it.

You hear my dad screaming at Cedric asking him to keep quiet. But all the more Cedric will cry.

Job Search

2007-08-02T08:59:00.000+08:00

Straight away when i found out that i wun be staying in Tan Chong, I have started looking for a job... it has been quite easy except tat i really feel bad hving to take leave from work and go for interview.

I went for 2 interviews, one atNCSS, introduced by my sis who is also working there and another one is by an agent, at Tuas Power. Funny thing is that it seems really easy for me to find a job but hard for me to stay aat my job.

I went to NCSS for interview first. After 2 rounds of interview I waited for their reply.
While waiting, i went fr an interview with Tuas Power. During that interview, I'm required to do an Excel test. I can seriously say that i lack that particular talent. if you ask me to do normal summation i'm okies...but pivot tables and vlookup? oh please spare me the torture. But i was lucky, the terminal that i used was meant for the test by all previous applicants. so using that small kn owledge i managed to figure out how to cheat my way through the test. haha i' not sharing it here.

The interviewer was very pleased with my results. the interview went on nicely. After leaving the building for not more than 10 mins, i receive a call from the agent asking me to go for second interview which i agreed. But when i reached home, i receive a call from NCSS informing me that i got the job... i mean since both job are offering me the same pay and wrking hours is the same i verbally agreed to it. I called my agent to cancel my appointment with TP. Not long later i receive a call from TP insisting that i go for the second interview and they are willing to "up" my salary... sounds nice though.... but after serious consideration(my son and cost of expense in Orchard is high), i choose NCSS(Ghim Moh) which is where i'm working now.

Parents

2007-07-27T22:17:00.000+08:00

sometimes i really wonder if i shd be fillial to my parents... Sometimes i also think that most of my problems were caused by them. What i fear most they fail to see...then later they misunderstand my ideas.

The situation is so bad that I'm even hoping and wishing my dad to be dead soon. I keep thinking "if only he is dead...". As long as he doesn't illtreat my son of pamper my son i"ll find him ok. But seriously he is overdoing it.

I myself is a parent now, I'm suddenly able to understand why my mom told me years ago that when we grow up, she's going to check into an old folks home herself. To live with pride... I too would rather check in myself than have my son dump me there.

my son is growing up fast and i seriously scared that he'll grow up to be like me. All his tempers and behaviours.... I can understand him at times cuz i have been through that stage but my parents don't and they won't listen to my explaination.

Sometimes when Cedric crys in the middle of the nite, my dad will start shouting at him but i know that Cedric only wans attention... someone to pat him to slp again. My dad dun understand. so when my dad starts shouting, cedric gets scared and start to cry even louder. When he does that, he doesnt stop. Not even when i interfere. I did inform my dad tat when such situation occurs, all he needs to do is give cedric his pacifier and pat him to slp but he nv listens. And when Cedric crys, the whole family will wake up. It disrupts our rest and we can work well in the morning.

Colin is starting to retaliate against my dad too. Finally he understands my dad's personalities.
But then again he is beginning to be like my dad. Chauvanistic and refuse to listen to people's advice.I know his is concern about ccedric and his cough but kids dun get well from cough so soon. How many doctors has cedric seen so far from 6weeks ago? 4 doctors and 1 more from NUH A & E. Initially when cedrics cough non stop, he thinks that cedric might get pneumonia...hello...that is flu okies, not cough.... If you tell me TB i still wun laugh so hard.

i can only wait and hope for a miracle that somethings might change in the family.
but seriously, before the change occurs,will i go mad first?

My celebrities look-alike

2007-06-30T08:35:00.001+08:00

I'm a mess

2007-06-28T12:15:00.000+08:00

nothing i do is correct, my marriage is wreaked, my job is in a mess not to mention my room.
I've lost all confidence in myself and i thoroughly feels that i'm just a worthless piece of shit. maybe worst, cuz even shit can be reused as fertilizer.

What did i acheive in my 25 years? I dunno. It seems that i cant make anyone approve of wat i do or appreciate me for who i am. I remember vaguely that I use to be bubbly, optimistic ger who dun really give a damn wat others has to say about me. Though i'm not really pretty but i didn't have to care about hw i looked or dress.

I had hopes and dreams about the future. To become someone's wife and mom, stay at home to teach my children, do housework while watching tv, when my kids are out in sch maybe i can meet up with some friends for tea or juz window shop. Then at nite, i'll cook nice dishes and wait for my husband to come home.

I was a happy person then. That was my past.

Though i'm someone's wife and mom now, everything is just different. if only i had behaved. I'd not trap myself in my current situation. Nothing can be changed now. No matter hw much i wan to return to the past.

Now I feel that i'm fat, clumsy, careless, ugly, useless and very easily irritated. Even when I'm writing all this and describing myself, i'll think...this is that kind of person i'll stay clear off. I hate myself now.

wouldnt it be good that i juz vanish? become invisible so that i wun make a fool out of myself?
I do feel that i shd get a divorce so that Colin wun have to suffer. I'm not good enuff for him. he deserves someone better.

Y dun i just die? I constantly dreamed that i'd die in a traffic accident. but it nv came true. Sometimes i hoped that i'll be suddenly diagnosed with terminal stage disease. then at least my family dun have to suffer that much with me....

Happy Bday to ME!!

2007-06-21T12:22:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've decided to do something about me blog at friendster. Since i cant republish the earlier posts, i decided to shift them all here.

Not a bad day today...,

1)i have Cedric crying early in the morning(4am) cuz he hum bin...but i din have to wake up cuz colin is there.

2)was late to take public bus out to MRT n change to coy transport but was surprised to see my coy transport pass by the bus stop at my hse.

3)buying breakfast at canteen, met my colleague and he paid for my breakfast.

4)another colleague gave me $50 Taka voucher as bday present.

All this happened and only half the day has passed. I'm counting my blessings and I'm glad that i have so many friends and family with me.

I dunno wat to say...only wan you guys to know that i'm very thankful to have all of u ard me. For your care n concern.

Mic, other than Colin, u're the first to msg me today. Though it's signed off by u n Des, but i seriously think tat it's more from u than Des. thanx for your advice and daily dose of entertainment thru ur blog. Enjoyed it alot.

Biyi, quite a week for the both of us....lets put it behind us and ......u know lah huh...hehe~

Dear, thanx for everything.

Cedric's new toy

2007-03-19T14:58:00.000+08:00

Cedric has a new toy bought by his grandmother. I liked the safety features but i find it a waste of money as he already has a bike back home. As norm, he likes to stand on his transport instead of seating on them so i was really glad that there was a guard to prevent him from falling sideways. There's a holder behind the bike so that i can push and direct his bike if ever i'm gonna bring him downstairs for a walk

I'm back finally

2007-03-07T15:54:00.000+08:00

Yoz...yup i know it's been a plenty long time...Getting married, getting pregnant and finally hving a baby at home... there shd be plenty of things for me tell you guys but then, while enjoying my married life i still got to wrk lor... ello..wat did u expect? I'm not one that can stay at hm and shake leg one okies... I hv a baby to feed, a house awaiting reno...so patiences k...
but of cuz if u're really interested in my life, feel free to visit my other blog where i hv been posting about my pregnancy. plus there's pics of my dear son...ciao for nw

A bundle of joy

2006-03-30T15:52:00.000+08:00

Sunday, 26th March 2006:

2am: Was waken by a sharp pain and it was different from the rest that I've ever had before. Woke Colin up to help me get off the bed to check if the waterbag is still intact. Everything's fine so went back to bed.

2.15am: Another sharp pain. More intense then the 1st one. Wake my mother up to check with her. Was told to wait for the next one to confirm.

2.25-2.45am: Same intensity of pain. Tolerable at the moment. Can confirm that my contractions had started. Called the Delivery Suite @NUH to get them prepared for my arrival. While waiting to confirm, was blogging, cutting my nails, throwing last minute items into hospital bag and timing the contractions.

2.50am-3.15am: Colin called for the cab and we proceed downstairs to wait. Upon arrival @NUH, I was wheeled to the Delivery Suite. I was already 4cm dilated and was asked if i wanted any form of pain relief. Of cuz epidural was the 1st thing that come into my mind.

3.20-6.02am: Nurse went to prepare stuff needed for epidural. Came back to check my dilation and found that I'm already 7cm dilated so was told that there was no point having epidural as it takes 20mins before the effects sets in. Was given nitrous oxide(laughing gas) instead. Pain subsided. Was asked to push as and when needed. Just like experiancing the worst case of constipation, I was asked to push hard and hold for 10secs. Not long, Cedric See Tse Ee(changed his name later cuz of long story) was born.

When I heard him cry in my arms for the first time, I'm overwhelmed with emotions. Cried with him too...He has such a lovely cry which sounds like a kitten. But when i actually see his crying face, my heart hurts terribly. He has a very sweet smile too... but that only occurs when he is sleeping...not sure wat he is dreaming of...

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you out there who has helped me along the way till this day. I really wanna share with you my joy in having this baby boy. You can view his pictures in my photo album on the left. Once again, thank you!

Sense of acheivement

2006-03-22T15:50:00.000+08:00

Nothing real big deal actually... juz that I've finally managed to change the skin to my other blog and made it look better. I couldn't have done it without the help of Michelle, who patiently answered all my doubts.

Not that difficult really... but took me almost a day to get my blog up and running. Most of the time is trial and error. Had a fun time changing the colours and trying to figure out how to insert a link. That doesn't make me an expert now but one thing for sure, you'll soon to see me change the skin once more...I've got plenty of time(during my confinement) to make changes and to learn more about HTML. Juz a tinge of regret that I'm unable to start earlier...cuz when Cedric arrives, i really doubt I have the time to fiddle with internet. For those interested to take a look at the new skin, the place to go is A Mommy's diary. I know, I've been advertising this blog for quite sometime already. Feel free to leave messages on the tagboard and I'm sure to see/reply to it.

One piece of good news, I juz borrowed a webcam from a friend. The main purpose of getting it is to allow Cedric's Godmas' to see him while they are at work or overseas. And for those of you out there who is interested in seeing him daily, you can do so by messaging me via MSN messenger. My email is lovelia_soh@hotmail.com.

Too comfort for words~

2006-03-20T15:49:00.000+08:00

It's been weeks since I last speculate that my baby will be born early and to my disappointment, Cedric decided to stay longer and annoy me more...Been waking up every 1hr in the nite to visit the toilet and I'm really losing my sleep and patience...

Was given a suggestion that if I wan to, I can ask the doc to induce labour... but I always believe that if he's meant to come out at a certain time den he's meant to be... it's not my role to play GOD.

The swelling of the legs is common during the last stage of pregnancy and like all pregnant women, I'm experiancing it and hell is it painful. But I took the Doc's advice to wear stockings and the swelling improved alot...I'll highly recommend this method to those whose legs tend to swell(even though u're not preggy). Another problem that i have is stretch marks..though i would like to post the pics here but I had a prob uploading the pics so if u're interested, u can go to my other blog: A Mommy's diary to check out on my update...that's sort of my main blog anyway...

To Michelle: Much to my disappointment, he refuses to come out on SAT...now waiting to see if he really comes out on MON...My mom speculate that nxt THURS during the doc's appointment, they'll ask me to stay for observations...Colin prefers it that way cuz he can be sure tat I'm in safe hands.

To Biyi: Been charging up my hp to make sure that I'm able to get good pics(when i'm in hopital) for you when Cedric is born. Hopefully when i get back home, i can load it up in Friendster/Yahoo pics...

Things are getting better

2006-03-13T15:47:00.000+08:00

One must really look on the bright side... that's wat i realise only recently. It not only help clear my doubts and it cures me of my depression. Now I'm really much better. All thanks to my friends for their words of encouragement and the support. Though I'm still hving problems sleeping at nite, I try to make tat up by slping in the afternoon too...so if u call or msg me and i din reply, most probably I'm KOed in bed.

As i'm writing this entry, I'm only 23days away from the due date of Cedric See Ji Yee...tat's the full name of my son...it's already confirmed by Colin (yipee!! he gave in at last). I'm full of anticipation and excitement, but of cuz with that bit of fear lurking around. Fear of the pain during labour, fear of not being a good mother...I think that's part of the package when u become a parent. What i can do nw is only pray that with God's guidence, I'm able to be wat he wans me to be. I'll juz have to follow his lead.

Can't wait to see how Cedric looks like. When i saw him smile during one of the ultrasound scan, my heart juz melts. He is so adorable. I wish tat he'll be well loved by all, juz like his cousin, Max. That boy is oso one cute boy... show u his pic. He is well loved by all of us at home. Everyone dotes on him and yet he isn't arrogant. If u play with him, he'll stay by ur side, try to make u happy oso. He'll find means to get ur attention and entertain you. Very thoughtful guy.
Think that's all for my update now, When the big time comes, I'll msg all of you...(if i have ur contact no.) if u wanna be informed, pls let me know asap... my email is lovelia_soh@yahoo.com.sg.

Prenatal Depression

2006-02-15T15:46:00.000+08:00

I was told that i'm already showing symtoms that i do have Prenatal Depression. Not that my husband dun love me or dun care about me... it's juz that i'm constantly worried about the many things that i have to take care of after delivery. I'm worried that i wun be a good mother to my baby, not able to help out in the family finance, can't get a good job after confinement and whether will i be able to handle both wrk and home together.

Sometimes when i start to feel this way, emotions start to well up... and for no reason i'll juz cry. And i can't really explain why i cry...juz feel like crying...and after that i will feel much better. There are times too when i would like to call up my friends and juz to complain but whenever i wanted to call them, i'll tell myself that they are working/ busy and i best not to disturb them...they too have a life of their own...Then after that i'll start to cry again cuz its really terrible to keep all my problems bottled up...

Can't really sleep at night cuz recently when i sleep on my sides, i do get the numb feelings after slping on one side too long...and turning to the other side id difficult as baby is really getting too heavy. And when i slp on my back, i do get the kind of feeling that i'm being suffocated. Sometimes, when i actually do get to slp, i'll be waken up cuz there's the need to go to the bathroom. Trying to get out of bed is really a pain nowadays. And i think i'm really confined in my room. No point for me to go out cuz the pain in the lower back is bad and i'll be panting like crazy after walking for 15mins...

Sometimes, i really think that i've made a wrong decision to have a baby now cuz i might not be prepared for it but nw it's really to late for regrets and for those who knows me well, i really hate to have that feeling(regret). Right now, i feel that this uneasy feeling that i'm going thru will continue to grow untill after baby comes out and hopefully after getting more rest i'll feel totally different...and not forgetting when i see my baby smile, den i'll think that after all that i've gone thru, it's really worth it.

You can be happy too if u wan to....

2006-01-24T15:38:00.000+08:00

Being with the right group of ppl at the wrong time is not such a bad idea after all... hw did i come about to this conclusion is after much outings with my dearest frens. Being pregnant is a wonderful yet nerve recking experiance. and much often, i get that feeling that nothing is going on well for me. But lucky for me, i'm blessed to have plenty of good frens around.

Sometimes, though it can be quite boring to juz sit ard and do nth but chat, it is nice to hear about things that you urself dun experiance and get to be part of it. I knoe that i'm not really part of it all, but to have ur frens share their experiance with you is something that i dun really get often since i was a kid. I'm sure most of my frens nv realise that by telling me a little something about yourself, they can make me very happy cuz to me, it's like u're willing to let me know more about urself and that u treat me as a fren.... And of cuz if the things that u tell me are joyeous, i get to share the joy too...but most importantly, when i see those smiles on their faces, i feel happy too... I know that sometimes i may be the cause of ppl's pain but if you dun tell me, how the hell am i suppose to know?

Here is a pic of those that are making my life alot more better...thank you all for being there with me....

Desperate housewife wif a twist~

2006-01-20T15:34:00.000+08:00

Dunno why i decided to use that drama as a title...but somehow i feel that being a "housewife" is really a boring job...As most of you would know, currently i'm a stay-home wife with nothing much to do and plenty of time to spare. Of cuz, i'm not saying that i'm so efficient that i finished up all my wrk and got nothing to do, but on the contrary, i have plenty of things to do yet i'm juz plain lazy and dunno where to start.

So during this CNY, where everyone is supposed to be cleaning their house and preparing for the new year, here i am, baking my pineapple tart which i spent the past 2 yrs trying to make it taste normal...Finally i got it to be the taste that i wanted...texture and all i mean.

Right now, it's juz 1 more week to CNY and i seriously need to pack my room. Not only for CNY, but also for the arrival of my baby...but come to think of it, he'll spend most of his time in my mom's rm more than mine. My mother volunteered to help me look after him(thank GOD for that!!). So, is that my excuse for not cleaning my room? Most probably, but i'm sure my mom wun think of it...probably will start screaming at me if i dun start to pack this weekend.

As always, Colin is complaining that i dun behave like i'm pregnant cuz i always have very big movements...like climbing onto a dining chair to look into the freezer, jaywalking and kicking him in the butt. Somehow i think my baby is starting to be like me... cuz his movements are getting bigger too...and of cuz more painful. My fingers are crossed....really hope that he wun turn out to be hyperactive....got to pray real hard for that...

Think this will be the last entry before CNY, so i juz wanna take this opportunity to wish all out there reading my blog a Happy Lunar New Year and Gong Xi Fa Cai...Eh...sorry huh no angbaos wor!! heehee~

A series of Unfortunate events

2006-01-16T15:24:00.000+08:00

Been going out alot recently with friends and family. Time spent together with them can be really called quality time... I like to be around ppl and friends that cares for me and it really makes me forget all the nervous feelings that i have over the pregnancy.

But of cuz, there'll be times when i like to kao beh too... about being bored at home and the lack of time to pack my room...but basically that's all my undoings... not that i do not have the time but simpily lack the mood to do so.

When my mom said that she wanna bring me to M'sia to do some shopping for my baby, i was estatic... not only i get to shop, but Colin is able to make it for the trip...of cuz to help us with the shopping bags...but in the end the trip was more like getting CNY stuff for my mom more than getting the baby items... worse of all, the trip ended really bad with my mom being nearly robbed by a snatch thief. We were waiting for a cab to bring us back to the custom... this motorbike came from the opposite direction and was coming really close to us...Colin, my cousin and i saw this bike coming but all of us couldn't react to it cuz it was moving very fast and we were in shock. i saw the man tried to pull my mom's handbag...but fortunately for my mom, her bag was very big and her bag strap was too short for him to pull so he din managed to grab it... well none of us took a look at the liscence plate as it was moving really fast... and i think most of us were more worried about my mom than anything else... besides they are already gone... really got to thank God for that...

So, a note of caution for all of u ppl out there who are going for short trips... if u really do need to carry a bag or something, it's best that u carry a pouch instead... It doesn't matter if u're travelling in a group or not...they'll juz target the one that's carrying the handbag. Put some spare cash on ur body instead of all of it in the bag...so that even if u were robbed, u are able to get back to the hotel or to the nearest help.

The Greatest Love of All

2005-12-12T00:51:00.000+08:00

Feeling funny lately...Always fell like the whole world owes me or that my life is gonna end real soon...homones are the prime suspect that i'm feeling this way. Juz ended a phone call with hubby, and I was told that he wun be calling me as often cuz he'll be outfield. I'm beginning to feel that i'm being deserted, very lonely. But almost instantly when i feel that way, my dear boy would give me a kick. It is as if he's telling me that "Hey mom, you still hv me with you!" Hahaha..i know... i imagine too much.

I'm juz bored at home. It really feels weird that everyone else is busy and yet i'm at home plucking the shells of beansprouts juz to make a bolster for my boy... okies..the truth is that my mom does all the job...I only need to take them out to sun-dry...Being a mother-to-be now really makes me think alot about the greatness of being a mother... It is nw that i understand, no matter hw old we are, our mothers will be there to help and guide us. Unconditionally.
To all who are reading this entry, if you are hving a cold war with your mom or feels that ur mom dun understand you, juz think about all the love and concern that they shower upon u even before you were born, you see that actually they dun owe us anything but in fact we owe them our lifes...I feel that I've always taken my mom for granted, thinking that she'll forgive me no matter wat wrong i did... But there WILL be the time that she will leave me even before she can forgive me...so, thinking of that makes me wanna treat her better...even more so with her medical conditions.

Think i'm getting emotional again so going back to the light side... here's a little quiz for you all...abit to know more abot me...

WHAT DOES YOUR BIRTHDAY MONTH MEANS?

Your Birthdate: June 21
You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature.Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas.People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life.You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone.

Your strength: Your thirst for adventure
Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures
Your power color: Hot pink
Your power symbol: Figure eight
Your power month: March
Taken from Blogthings

Bored to death

2005-10-30T14:18:00.000+08:00

A little bored this week as i hv been at hm most of the time... hmm, except for thursday(27/10/05) when i went out with my sis...Hvn't been spending time with her alot... but that day was well spent... early in the morning meet her at my hse bus stop to go Orchard for shopping...We were practically eating the whole day...First off, Scotts Foodcourt for the ever delicious beef noodles, den to Wheelock place and i grabbed a Triplecheese hotdog from Orange Julius...Next we headed to Isetan to carry on shopping...bought some expensive supplements from FANCL and the cashier actually swipped my card twice... nw i hv to keep watch of my acct that it wun be deducted...

After shopping at Isetan, we proceeded on to Tangs...when we reach the basement, my sis saw the billboard that advertise for taiwan's oyster mee suah and crispy chicken chop..so we decided to buy one of each and share...The mee suah has abit of the fishy smell and i dun like it so i let my sis take all...and the chicken chop is really nice...so there i am eating again...but i took my time this round...

and after all tht eating, it really makes me slpy so we decided to go hm... my sis had arranged with my mom to hv dinner together which i happily skipped it cuz can't take it anymore... dunno why my sis is such a big eater.

Back at Last

2005-10-26T14:16:00.000+08:00

Hehehee...for those who used to read my blogs....i'm really so sori that i hvn't been updating u ppl on my lastest gossips...but here i am finally able to set aside some time for my blogs...

Okies to cut long story short...currently i'm out of job and spending most of my time at home being a tai tai... hw am i able to do that you might ask... hehehe...simple...I got married and currently I'm 4 mths pregnant and the doc says that my blood pressure too low so i got to stay at hm to rest...But pls do feel free to ask me out for walks and shoppings cuz as long as i hv company i wun have to worry about me fainting...

So did i juz shocked all of you? Hope that's not too much of a shock...but anyways, i'm really happy that on the day i was married i had all the well wishes from my frens and family....Thank you all for all your support(mentally and physically)...really appreciate it...

Finally, for those who wanna know hw i'm going through with my pregnancy, do feel free to go to www.babemom.blogspot.com to read all about it...

All wrk N no play (*_')

2005-07-07T14:15:00.000+08:00

Dead tired nw as i'm writing this blog...juz got back from wrk. Hitched a ide from my fren...on a BIKE...wahahaha...Been doing OT all this while...and for those days that i hvn't been wrking OT, i'm giving tuition to my beloved cousin. Come to think of it, din really teach her much... only giving her advice on hw to study smart...hehee~

Glad that Biyi is back frm Brisbane, was so lonely w/o her... no ktv, no one to discuss guys with...nw that she is back, we hv loads of activities going on...Sad to say, she'll be heading back soon...end of this mth if i'm not wrong...that means, she'll be leaving about the same time as Colin who is going to Taiwan =_( ...

So, those who are reading this entry and are fren enuf, pls volunteer urself by asking me out for dinners, movies or KTV... all are welcome...hehehee~p/s: not on thursdays cuz me still got to give tuition.

think i hv to come back more often(to write) for those who hv been regularly reading my blog...i know i've been MIA from msn messenger, but that's bcuz my head honcho barking dwn my neck liao... and oso my messenger at hm kenna virus...sianz*
anyway, time for me to go out meet my dear liao... hardly he get a nite off... meeting him at Jurong Point...ciaoz for nw...

*sianz = bored, not in the mood

A Different Beat~

2005-06-08T16:13:00.000+08:00

As usual, it's a bz day for me...Had been sitting at my desk since 7.30am and hvn't really stopped wrking till it was lunch hr...but instead of spending my time resting, i was playing with my neopet... Trying my best to acheive 1million neopoints so that i can upgrade my account and collect more $$.

But like wat Mustiffa(my new project sec) wld say...."it's not as if u can change it for real money"....That i find it true... but still i was thinking if i can save money in this "world" why can't i do the same thing in reality?

Time now is 4.13pm....it's 20 mins more before i end my day at wrk....currently i finished off everything i hv on my desk but i'll be expecting more wrk tml i guess...so since i'm so free and i cant think of anything else to do, i decided to write my blog....

Think tml i'll tok about some other more interesting stuff other than my boring days at wrk...
Thats all folks...tk care~

~Getting bz these days~

2005-06-07T11:09:00.000+08:00

Seems like it's been quite some time since i last written my blog....NO TIME...i was bz getting sick(doc gv 3days MC, which i spend most time in bed; details below) and wrking real hard.
But come to think of it...really dun have much to write about....except that i was really very sick with flu. Funny thing is that i dun hv fever and yet the doc gv me 3 days MC. So during these 3 days of MC, i din really do much.

Typical "sick" day's routine:
1) Wake up
2) Have a meal
3) Take medication
4) Go back to slpThis process will repeat throughout the day. So as to why u dun see me online those days, nw u know the reasons.

Today i juz finished my medication but i still hving abit of running nose...cough got abit but that was to cough out the phlem.(i know it's gross so i wun get into details). It seems like the medication not strong enuf for me.

Think today's blog will end here...hopefully i'm able to find time to write more stuff...
P/s: To those whose birthday is this mth, Happy Birthday...and that includes myself..hehehe...those reading this blog u know wat to do huh...i welcome late presents too...hehehe!~

Touched By it~

2005-05-18T16:08:00.000+08:00

I happen to come across this poem being read on tv and i sudden recalled that i've heard it long ago. Felt alot for this poem...thinking wat if this really happened to me, will i be able to handle this kind of heartache? This poem is called "The Furthest Distance On The World" by Rabindranath Togore.

The furthest distance in the world
Is not between life and death
But is when I stand before you
Yet you don't know that I love you

The furthest distance in the world
Is not when i stand before you
Yet don't know that I love you
But is when knowing that we love each other
Yet cannot Be togehter

The furthest distance in the world
Is not being apart while being in love
But is when plainly cannot resist the yearning
Yet pretending You have never been in my heart

The furthest distance in the world
Is not never having you in my heart
But using one's indifferent heart
To dig an uncrossable river
For the one who loves you

世界上最遥远的距离
不是生与死
而是我就站在你的面前
你却不知道我爱你

世界上最遥远的距离
不是我站在你面前
你却不知道我爱你
而是明明知道彼此相爱
却不能在一起

世界上最遥远的距离
不是明明知道彼此相爱
却不能在一起
而是明明无法抵挡这股想念
却还得故意装作不在意
丝毫没有把你放在心里

世界上最遥远的距离
不是树与树的距离
而是同根生长的树枝
却无法在风中相依

世界上最遥远的距离
不是树枝无法相依
而是相互了解的星星
却没有交汇的轨迹

世界上最遥远的距离
不是星星之间的轨迹
而是纵然轨迹交汇
却在转瞬间无处寻觅

世界上最遥远的距离
不是瞬间便无处寻觅
而是尚未相遇
便注定无法相聚

世界上最遥远的距离
是鱼与飞鸟的距离
一个在天，
一个却深潜海底

Feeling/Getting Sick

2005-05-17T14:04:00.000+08:00

Hvn't been feeling well lately since thursday, kenna attacked by constant sniffing and unstoppable sneezes. It isn't an allergy this time so it seems like no medication is helping me nw...(12pm nw)

Juz heard a not so shocking news that the other assistant is leaving... kind of leave me feeling both happy and nervous at the same time. Happy is due to the fact that the trouble maker is leaving...and at least i dun hv to be so tense up anymore. Why nervous? Of cuz it's bcuz of the increase in wrkload that i'll be getting.

(3.30pm)Still hving flu, hving a slight fever..think it got worst cuz i was caught in the rain today. Not that i did nt bring my umbrella but tat the rain was simply too strong. feeling kind of terrible...

Siansation~

2005-05-13T01:45:00.000+08:00

Din wanna wake up today, cuz it was raining...best time to hide under the comforter and slp. But still, feeling obligated to wrk, i had no choice but to force myself outta bed.

After wrk yesterday, i went for abit of grocery shopping. had a hard time carrying all the things hm...cuz i think i bought too much...but most of d things were for my breakfast in the office. Once i reach hm, i carried on watching "100% Senorita". D story quite nice loh...den the cast quite similar to that of "Dolphin Bay". Suppose to meet my mom @7.45pm to hv dinner @ d new market, but bcuz i was already @hm, i din wanna go out. but was still "forced" to go cuz mom need to buy rice n i din wan her to carry the sack. Still i din eat dinner as i was angry wif mom for "forcing" me out.

when i came hm frm d 2nd grocery shopping, i head str to my PC to continue my drama. at this pt, i saw a 'fren' whom i din really wanna chat on msn, so i changed my mode to offline. after 2 episodes of d drama, i noticed another fren online...wanting to chat wif him, i switch back to online mode forgetting tat d 'fren' still online...so as soon as i changed it, he msg me... asking me plenty of qns and asking to meet...i dun wanna meet him. cuz i gt no time n dun see a pt in meeting someone i feel annoyed by. so i decided to switch off my msn completely to concentrate on my drama.

din stay up too late last nite but in the end still felt slpy in the morning...think i shd extend my slping hrs abit long tonite...

12th May 2005,10.45am

Slacking at Everything

2005-05-11T13:58:00.000+08:00

Recently, i realised that i din hv the drive to do anything anymore...even to the extend that i wanna quit my job n *"nuah" at home. No mood for anything...Going to wrk is juz like a formality, being there only show my face...basically i was juz surfing the net frm 7.30am - 4.30pm. Most of u muz be thinking " Whoa, get paid to slack yet she still complain"...but when u're in my shoes all i can say is gd luck to u...Super boring cuz nth to do, super tiring cuz u hv to think of wat u can do.

Seppo, this is translated only for u ^~^
*nuah = rot

After watching my first d/l taiwanese series "At Dolphin Bay", i start to d/l another series called "100% Senorita". Was watching the 1st 2 episodes yesterday...by the time i finish episode 2, it was near 2am...(think that's the reason y i slacking liao bah). Y i d/l these series it's bcuz i dun wanna see Fann Wong on TV... she really sux.

It seems like the only life i hv is playing the Character "Pamela Patterson" in Sims 2. Currently she's married n pregnant, staying at hm to rest(which i hope to acheive too if i dun wanna wrk, nt the pregnant part though). She's wrking as a Desk Sergent(Police), while her hubby is a con artist...funny combo rite? I din check her hubby's career b4 i gt them married...Everyday after wrk(real life), i'll either play FF8 on PS (yesh, again for the upteenth time), if not play SIM 2 or Mahjong on PC.

Appealing to all who are reading my blog, pls feel free to leave comments cuz i'm quite curious about wat u think of my (boring) life.

Mothers' Day!~

2005-05-09T07:18:00.000+08:00

Dun think i'll be updating for the past few days... abit boring this w...dun wanna bore you ppl to death...anyway, Today is Sun, mother's day...went to church today. was already thinking wat to gv my mom this yr but hvn't got the idea till i was reading my email n saw that there was a promo with the Popular card... there was this spa treatment for 2 on mother's day so i tot it might be a nice idea for my mom... juz then my sis called me up to find out if i hv anything for my mom...den i let her in on this "present" loh...so it's like 1 present but shared by 4 person(my sis, her hubby, me n colin) lah...

then early this morning, while waiting for my alarm to ring, i suddenly tot of the movie "Starwars"...decided to msg all my cousins to watch together...so total i managed to get 12 ppl to go watch it the wk after...on the 20th of may...so many ppl watching n the damn tix is so ex...wonder if there is enuf seatings for all of us?

halfway while writing this blog, i was playing PS wif Colin, shit him lah...beat me in the game... den yah yah say he let me win in the first rd one..so angry...urgh...sh hv known dun gv him his present liao...but scared he nxt wk cannot bk out so gv him first...but i thinking of getting him something else...that is if he can bk out nxt wk lah...tml will be a bz day cuz i cocked up my wrk on fri/sat so gtg back salvage everything...hope nt so jia lat...

nth else to write nw so stopping here liao...everything is gonna be alrite for me tml...i hope lah...ciao~

Long Wkend~

2005-05-03T11:56:00.000+08:00

Seems like Singapore got lot of long wkend this yr...really hope to get more nt only this yr...but every yr... like this, i'm able to go for short trips into neighbouring countries liao...

okies, i know i'm suppose to update my blog again but i simply dun remember wat happened on fri, except that my bf came to ym hse collect his VCD (Wrestlemania XXI). cuz he already said tat he'll be staying over only on sun, so he wanted to hv some time for himself...

sat, wrk was quite ok, so nth to complain about...start on TrimSlim(TS) today,hope the results are great. i gt to know this new fren wrkin in the HR dept, my age one...a very sweet ger with a very cute name (An An), got to knoe her cuz we take the same bus to wrk. was chatting to her on the bus den i asked if she wld like to join me for lunch, while buying lunch, i met my sec fren, Thomas Wu...used to be from the same(boring) club...Since, long time nv see liao so we started to chat lor...but nt wanting to neglect my new fren An An, i introduce the both of them...who knows, this conversation btw the 3 of us lasted for more than 1.5hrs... was suppose to meet Colin 2.30pm but i'm already late(as usual). so i took a cab to cineleisure to meet him...ate abit frm Long John, den decided to go PS shop for some clothes(Colin's). after shopping, i din want to eat anything cuz i think the TS made me feel full. Din hv anywhere else to go so Colin went hm n i was hm alone...no govt till Mon...all went to malaysia. den ard 11.30, i suddenly remembered that today go church youth event...i forgot all about it.

Was suppose to go church Sun, but bcuz nt feeling well, den din go. Colin called to ask if i've fot anyplace that i wanna go...simply no idea cuz s'pore so small n been to most places liao...but then, i had a craving for a certain food tat day... hmmm...it's frm this Fast food restaurant called Popeye..they only hv one stall in Changi Airport...Biyi, u know which one i'm toking about hor...Yupz, i went all the way there for lunch. When i reach there, i headed to T2 cuz that's where i remembered it was but....when i reached T2 i couldn't find it so i had to ask ard...only to find out that it's in T1...so i went back to T1 and found it at last...Colin liked the food there(so i can ask him along again if i hv the cravings...hehehe)too..

since we go nth to do, we deicided to head hm, but realised that MRT is at T2, so we had to go back there again...sianz...Took the train back hm, den decided to skip dinner again, cuz really too full liao. Colin brought his PS games over to play cuz he knew he wld be bored. While he was playing games, he asked me to cook the "instant" dessert for him tat we bought frm T1's NTUC...so that later he can eat(@!#@ like a king wor)... after his dessert he suggest watching "the Exorcist" which i dun like cuz i scared....but then we watched abit den slp liao cuz the travelling made us so damn tired...

today, early morning waken up by Colin, cuz he itchy hands keep disturbing me...since i'm awake liao, i might as well make breakfast...but that "king" of mine wanted to finish the movie...since it's morning, i nt so frighten den i watch wif him loh...but halfway thru the show i feel abit hungry so i went to cook spagatti for the both of us as "brunch". after brunch n after washing all the dishes, colin n i went back to bed, cuz afternoon sun hot den nth to watch on tv oso....woke up at ard 5, ask if he want to eat out or order mac/pizza...he say too lazy to go out n no $$ to order, den i hv to cook again...*abit angry* (nt tat i always do the cooking but Colin u promised to do the washing up but NV).

he went off at ard 7.30 cuz he needs to bk in...den i hm alone till 11.30 whn my parents came hm...nw it's 11.55 n i going to slp(yesh again). tml gtg wrk n i wonder wat kind of day awaits me...

Weird Dream~

2005-04-29T10:40:00.000+08:00

By looking at the title, some may think it's some horny/kinky things i'm gonna mention again...BUT U ARE WRONG!!

It's a dream of Colin, Biyi n ME in Malaysia(WEIRD NO. 1)...considering the fact that it is quiet impossible cuz Biyi n Colin dun really like to go JB...but then there in my dream, we were shopping for my fave past time, Comics....

Hw it started i cannot remember, only tat we were abit tired n we decided to stay the nite instead of going thru the causeway. We went into this motel to bk the rms den there was this guy leading us up this old, metal spiral staircase tat's very narrow...i remembered in my dreams, i was wearing a skirt so i was trying to prevent anyone walking underneath the stairs to see anything they ain't suppose to see (WEIRD NO.2)...i dun wear skirts when i go Malaysia.
Upon reach the nxt level, we saw alot of ppl there...like wat u see in a shopping mall, i saw a comic shop...n of cuz i juz browse it anyway...then wat happened nxt i dun quite remember cuz it's all blur nw...only tat someone broke something in the shop n to avoid trouble, Colin was dragging me away n i dunno where Biyi was...den i gt worried, wat if something happened to her...den i'm in serious trouble...den i woke up...i can't help but think, wat am i to do if the same thing were to happen in the Taiwan trip? damn frightening leh...

But like wat Biyi said, Taiwan trip nt Confirmed yet cuz she hvn't ask her dad(hope really can go lah) n though i managed to find 1 guy to go along(my fren whom i knew for 5 yrs yet nv seen him in person b4) but he can't be sure if he can get time off frm wrk then...likewise goes for me...i'm nt even sure if i can save in time n can apply leave anot...

with so many things nt confirmed, i had better nt think so much...but still i'll save up cuz i may ended up going elsewhere instead...

Recap

2005-04-28T07:45:00.000+08:00

dear all,
i know i hvn't been updating lately, but really there isn't really much to write except the fact that my fren always "fly my aeroplane"...supposed to go swim at his hse(condo) on mon, everything planned liao, den last min cancelled...wat the reason, i dun wanna say...in the end i had to go hm slp. that nite, my fren apologise thru MSN, telling me tat if he wrking early tml, den we can go swimming again...i'm nt as hopeful as mon, cuz i gt a feeling tat i'm still unable to swim on tues.

And true enuf, although he managed to get home early, he found his bro at home slping...so i din go again....okies...u guys muz be thinking wat's so big about his bro in the hse? i dun wan any misunderstanding for both sides...he has a gf n i have my bf, but for me to go a guy's hse n swim is nt something nice lah...but i dun care...as long as i get to swim, n dun hv to pay for it den ok liao loh...

den come yesterday...was wrking in office, though this morning abit diff cuz there's alot of wrk for me. but i'm really nt in the mood to wrk today...den my fren was on MSN and i realised that it's his off day. he was complaining tat he bored n so was i. so i decided to go meet him after wrk...but the sun is bloody hot man...so hot tat it hurts...i mean it's diff when u in water rite, but yesterday even in water i can still feel the heat...*KNS.
went back hm, i was so tired...i din even bother to on my PC n juz lay in bed nuahing...reading Naruto abits but still succumb(dunno if spell correct) to my slp...hopefully tonite nt so tired lah...but i still wan tat slp...

*it seems like i've been using alot of abbreviation so here are the explaination for those who dunno wat they mean:

KNS = kenna sai = like shit
WTF = wat the fuck
OMG = oh my goodness (nt oh my God, cuz bible says "do nt use they lord's name in vain)

DNV BBQ

2005-04-26T10:45:00.000+08:00

Okies...i know, i'm suppose to update on wat happened on Fri nite...nt tat i dun wan to lah but simply dun hv the time...nw (26/04/05,8am) since i nth to do, i might as well write something about tat nite...

i took a ride in my brazillian collegue's car...she need me to guide her abit...reach there ard 7pm, din find anyone near the lobby...we were kind of worried cuz dunno where are the others... but 1 guy frm DNV came and showed us the way telling us that the rest were in the courtyard...

Once in the courtyard, the setting, ambience was nice...abit warm though...nt tat i'm complaining lah...i mean, since most of the time i'm feeling cold, n when i can feel warm, juz think of wat the others are feeling...anyway, they have a buffet there set up, the variety nt many but the food taste nice, besides there's a chef on standby grilling some seafood...wat took my interest was the mini bar counter at the back of the court...was browsing at the variety of wine/liquer they hv but found tat its really limited...

Since i dun wanna drink on an empty stomache, i grabbed some food and of cuz a gls of red wine...while i was eating, i was oso slowly drinking n enjoying the wine...nt a bad wine...nt tat i noe hw to appriciate it lah...but it taste good when compared to the others tat i've drank...den my fren Happy (dun be surprised, tat's his real name), came n challenge me to drink...but i get to choose the drink...as i like to take up challenge, i took on something i've nv tried b4...Vodka neat...that bartender poured about 1/3 of the rock glass. since i accept the challenge liao i cannot back out n i dun wanna back out, i slowly dwn the whole thing...juz when i was thinking the drink was smooth, within sec, the alcohol went straight to my head... whoa....the place like spinning...

To cut long story short...after the vodka, i had another mixed drink...but din manage to finish it cuz i reached my limit liao...so i sat ard n hv chats wif my boss...the "party" ended ard 9.45pm, a collegue offered to send me hm...so y nt... during the ride hm, i can already feel my stomach churning...so as soon as i reach my hse, i became a merlion when i reach the nearest drain...P/S: Refer to pic of "merlion" n picture me going d same.

but after all that, i managed to have a good rest...even woke up earlier than my alarm clock...can say i thoroughly enjoyed myself tat nite.

*Group photo of tat nite! my boss, behind me on the right, was pulling my hair...

**pic not available cuz PC gone.

Feeling Weird!~

2005-04-23T13:13:00.000+08:00

Not sure if i'm suppose to really post this online and who might be reading it so i decided to juz write it anyway..since i'm only being myself...wat eva...even if u laugh at me, frankly speaking: you think i care? (my fave 4-wrd phrase).

I was at wrk today n i was feeling kinky since i stepped into the office...at least i was distracted frm it when i was trying to clear my desk of all the wrk. but as soon as noon sets in, ppl are connected online. i was chatting wif frens n suddenly the conversation changed to topics tat were very sensual(dun wanna discuss it here though). It made me very horny...yupz... i know i'm a woman n shd be lady-like...i shdn't be saying things lk tat...but for those who knows me...since when was i eva lady-like?

so wif this feeling the whole day, it's really hard to concentrate on my job...rite nw, its 6pm n by rite, i'm suppose to be hm already...this is my second OT this wk...but no one really cares...i'm juz doing my wrk...

I'm nt meeting Colin today...he's meeting he's buddies...but come to think of it, if i really meet him, he's either gonna help make the feeling gone if not make it worst. think it's better this way huh?

nw waiting for my collegues to go attend the BBQ together cuz i hitching a ride from them...but i may have a prob when going hm...but i'll find my way bah...as long as i can get to the bus stop tat is...i still hv ppl(my frens) tat dun believe tat i hv very bad navigation at nite...but that's the TRUTH...it took me more than a wk to remember my way hm when i first moved hse...
okies...gtg nw...they are ready...ciao~

yet another day has pass

2005-04-22T13:12:00.000+08:00

nt sure if i hv written anything for yesterday, but i can't be bothered now...writing this weblog is juz like report to someone(nt anyone in particular) about wat i'm doing daily...so, being the "i-dun-gv-a-damn" person tat i am...i dun stick to rules n discipline unless it's necessary. but maybe i'll mention it abit...yesterday wasn't a gd day for me cuz it was full of accident...

acct1: woke up n find out that i pulled my calf muscle "while i was slping"
acct2: while trying to sit on my office chair i knocked my knee into a drawer
acct3: was doing hse-keeping in the office, kenna scratched by the corner of metal cabinet(blue-black too)*Pic was the mess tat was supposed to be cleared..
acct4: boss in meeting, came out n asked me to p/c materials for him, after doing so i tried to close the door quietly but my fingers got caught btw the door instead.

kind of bored these few days...chats on the net wif my frens didn't really interest me anymore...nt tat i'm tired of them but juz simply dun hv anymore energy...felt like i'm completely drained out...been wanting to take a short break frm the mandane job that i have...hvn't been feeling well these days too.. wif the flu n stuff..haiz... so to help myself recharge better, i went to see the coy doc who gv me new medication(seems like my body is immuned to the norm "yellow tablet"), but din get to rest much cuz i hv to attend a funeral...dun like to go these "events" but the auntie involved take good care of me when i was younger...out of respect, i went but din wan to see her being cremate...so, i drag my mom away to "visit" my grandparents, great-grandma n uncle instead...

after which i came hm (abt 2.30 bah), fall straight into bed n KO till 8pm...nw it's 9.47pm n i think i'm gonna go back to slp...since Colin already called me then i dun hv to wait up for him too...nite~

Temper under control~

2005-04-20T13:04:00.000+08:00

Wrking in my current office is like wrking for Taiwan Govt...so much politics n so much backstabbing. Nw as a victim caught in-btw crossfire, i felt tat i'm no longer able to control liao...I believe sooner than later i'll juz blow up n den leave...they dun need me here at all...since they can do it on their own wat for shd i bother...

it's nt as if they are paying me alot...who they think they are...only secretary and someone same status as me...they are nt even the ones tat are paying me in the first place...can't be bothered wif them, yes, u might be saying "den wat for leave the job bcuz of them?" i leave nt bcuz of them but its due to tat i'm unhappy here...i rather wrk wif other ppl den them...i dun need ppl like dem ard me to make my life miserable...i can find ways to be happy...

Taiwan trip, looking forward to go but...gt a feeling tat there will be changes...nt tat i'm nt saving up but true to wat many ppl told me, i do feel tat it's really a big risk there...nt tat i'm worried for myself but i'm worried for Biyi. if there are no other guys coming along, most probably it's gonna be only the 2 of us...wat if something happen? i cant take the resposibility if anything were to happen to her...yup, she might hv more travelling experiance than me but i believe tat i'm more streetwise...TO BIYI: if really only 2 of us going, i maybe nt going liao. cuz if anything were to happen to both of us, i think my parents may get into trouble bcuz of me...dun wan tt to happen. my only hope for tat trip: more ppl esp guys (des n antho, i toking about u 2) can join in...

Colin: sorry nt able to chat wif u on the phone recently cuz (u passed the germs to me) i'm sick, n i'm reeally tired from wrk (refer to paragraph 1). i hope u dun feel tat i'm neglecting u oki...
tat's all for today~actually it's for yesterday! =...(

20/04/05 1.15pm

Dolphin Bay..good~

2005-04-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

hmmm...recently i caught on the dolphin tail...watched it on tv n find it nice..tat guy, Ambrose Xu, though he looked like a sissy, still he looks hunky...dun really like Angela Zhang but i can't deny tat she is a gd actress. But wat actually caught my attention is the 2 kids...Since i'm such a tv addict, of cuz i can't wait till nxt wed for d show...so i download it frm internet...lucky i did and i was enjoying it...but the side effect of this show is puffy eyes...i cried too much...

it's a typical taiwanese drama about these 2 kids n a promise made when they were only 6yrs old...dun wanna elaborate much here...since i've already d/l the movie...if anyone is interested, u can look for me cuz i burn it into CD liao...i nt violating the law on purpose but i want to watch these drama nxt time but my PC simply dun hv enuf memory...though i juz changed it recently...but i'm still hoping to get one with a super big HD space...currently mine is 40GB...if gt 200GB wah..shiok shiok...juz thinking about all the anime i can keep man...

anyway nth much to say about my wrk today... only tat i went to wrk wif a migrain yet can't get to see the ****ing coy doc cuz he's last patient is @8.15am n i was there @9am. so i was only given painkiller...lucky for them it really wrks... hmm come to think of it..the medicine prescribed by them really very effective... last time gt very bad running nose, den after takin their medicine, the "tap" stopped running...

I hv been thinking of quitting my current job but i ned to save up for taiwan trip n have to help pay for hse morgage, so can't really quit besides i've nv eva written a resignation letter, so dunno hw n wat to write...come to think of it, its funny tat schools only teach u hw to find job, write resume...but they nv teach u to write nasty letters except for complain letters...
okies...enuf of my complaining liao...time for me to go slp..if nt tnl migrain again...(wonder hw many of u out there are reading my blog,if no one is reading den wat's the pt in keeping one?)nitez!

Time Well Spent

2005-04-18T12:59:00.000+08:00

okies... seems like i'll only remember to write my blog if i'm really sitting in front of my PC wrking... cuz i forgot to write it yesterday... think it's a bz day yesterday bah...morning went to wrk, nth much really happened tat but tension was really tensed...so nth to tok about...
Called Colin after wrk to find out if he was gonna meet me after his jog(wif his platoon)....he decided tat he wanted to go hm change first...dunno y the fuss...he was running @West Coast Park eh...y go all the way back to Serangoon? but anyway i tot i could take that time to slp abit but i ended up chatting with Derrick online...long time nv chat wif him liao mah...since he was despatched to Indonesia...so wanna find out his "experiance" wif the earthquake or sumthing...who noes we ended up chatting crap.. -_-II

Colin called me halfway wanting to meet me so we decided to go Jurong Point cuz i need to pass my sis some comics n he needs to buy his stuff too...w/o my slp, i was practically like a zombie...felt so bad about it...when we got there, i was so hungry...wanted to eat something ex but then chose to eat duck rice instead...need to save $$...but anyway i wasn't the one paying(dear, i noe u are reading this....hehehe). Den my sis, decided nt to meet me cuz it was raining...but bcuz of tat i'm oso stuck in JP...WTF...haiz...no choice, w/o my jacket, we can't watch movie...nth to do so we decide to go hm loh...cuz there's shelter at my place n i hate being in aircon places when it's raining.

Wat can i do at hm in a cold weather? of cuz go SLP lah....so shiok...who wun wanna laze on the bed...Colin din stay long as he got things to do so i let him go(anyway, u were taking up so much of the bed too...heehee). so yesterday was relatively boring but i enjoyed my time wif Colin...(i'm nt angry wif u & i'm nt upset tat u din stay over)

Sun 17/04/2005 : my mom woke me up to tell me tat my father's godsister passed away...nt a gd note to start wif but i wasn't really affected by it...she treats me nice...din wanna go to her wake as i'm really upset by the high attandance rate of me attending funerals...quite a huge impact on me...anyway i already promise my frens tat i'll be attending church so i had to be there...so after the washing up, i was delaying my time abit tat i had to catch a cab to church...(waste $$)...Ruth was who i'm suppose to meet but she was late...ended up sitting wif Alvin...nth wrong wif tat...den amelia came, okies..getting abit rowdy...den Ruth came...n we spotted someone holding FMSS's yr bk...ok, tat does it... 3 ex fairsians + 1 yr bk = plenty of gossips, i changed my sit wif Alvin so tat 3 of us can read the bk...toking abit loud during sermon...hehehe...

aftr service, of cuz hv lunch lah...but amelia n alvin had something on so it's only me n ruth...went to eat chee chong fan n hv ice coco...it's simply heavenly....(okies, i know i'm fat liao lah)....

called up Colin to see if he'll be coming to my hse later cuz he always book in frm my hse(nearer to kranji den from Serangoon)...he was at Koven, since i'm hear the NEL, i might as well go find him...meet him Boon Keng, den we decided to go Funan, to check out webcam n printer...decided which model i wanted to buy but nw dun hv the $ to buy, so we proceed to go hm...qns in mind tat time was, wat to eat? no fast food, n no $$, the only thing i can think of is hm cooked food...so went to sheng siong to buy ingredients n i did the cooking of cuz...(dunno hw long muz i wait to taste ur cooking...). bought watercrest ro cook soup, some siew mai n har gau to steam and some chicken stips to fry..tat settles the dinner... no time to think of elaborate dinner...scared by the time i finish cooking, Colin ned to bk in liao...but the soup still taste good...think i've really inherit my grandma's cooking skills for the soup...hehehe...

think all of u ppl reading this is getting sian liao n i oso find the rest of the nite sianz too so i decided to skip it...so here this is the summery of the past 2 days...nt exciting but i'd feel tat it's time well spent...cuz u're there for me...nitez~

18/04/05 1:00am

A happening day~

2005-04-16T12:56:00.000+08:00

tot i wun be writing any other things today... but who wld hv known tat...so much had happened within such a short period of time...

1) after writing the first blog: the project secretary(my immediate superior) dropped a bomb on us...she juz said tat she was quitting...as she was offered something better...hmmm...juz as i was thinking of quitting the job...WTF...seems like everytime when i get a new job, the person who hires me will leave. it was the same wif my previous job at Clarins...is it conincidental or i'm juz jinxed?

2) after lunch while chatting wif Biyi: suddenly the project manager(local big boss) wanted to look for some files... dunno y we couldn't find tat particular 3" arch file...he was juz saying tat wat if one day all the PC wasn't working, hw are we able to retrieve the doc w/o knowing where they are...den suddenly there was a blackout in the office... as if God was helping him to state a point...

3)45min - 1hr after blackout: the light came back, n it's still 30mins more b4 i KO frm wrk(darn it). the manager still accusing the secretary of "lying" (though i tot he was joking...seems like he over did it) about the file's existance. wif the light on, we found the file n he said it took us 2 hrs(which is NOT true) to find it...the secretary was pissed off, so was the other admin asst....they simply walked out of the office...first time i've seen this in an office... boy, temperature in the office was HOT...if u know wat i meant...

So case close, i'm safely back at home, waiting for Colin to come pick up his comics...den hoping tat tml wun be so bad...

Yet another weblog.....

2005-04-15T12:53:00.000+08:00

Once again I'm trying to write a "Diary"...hope it really wrks...think this will be the place where i'll show all my pleasures n displeasure...if names are eva mentioned in a bad way, pls do nt take it to heart...it is only me complaining...if it was meant to be permanant damage, I wun do it here but tok to u personally...but of cuz, if there's still hope tat we can be friends, i'll gladly sit dwn n tok it thru wif u...

To all my frens who dun really know me well, i guess i can say this will be the best place to "listen" to my latest gossip...but if u wanna be part of the gossip, u can always contact me...n most probably, u'll find ur name appearing here d nxt day.

To Des, Eliza n Jaime:
Think ur name will appear here most of the time (of cuz besides Colin lah), so if u dun wanna let ppl know wats going on btw our group, let me know beforehand wor...

Last of all, to Dear:
if u wanna know whether i'm really angry or not, u can always come n read my blog...cuz i wun tel u straight if i angry or not, cuz i dun wan u to be upset too...it's oki if one of us is upset at one time but not both at one time...it'll only make the prob bigger...n since nw u in army, u can only check ur mails once a wk so i think its safer this way...hehehe...

So this will be it for my first entry here...Happy reading~