happiness...so near yet so far

Sometimes i seriously wondered if I am just not suppose to lead a happy
life. everytime when i feel bliss, something else comes along and destroy
all happiness. It makes me fearful. I think I am jinxed. I dun deserve to
be happy...or i should say, my happiness is obtained from other ppl's
sorrow. Evil...It just seems that way...I shd be left alone and let to rot
in hell. I shd just push away my source of gladness, my comfort, prevent
history from repeating itself.

Jon, u asked me wat if u cant get along with my dad? I dunno hw to answer
u. I'm bounded by responsibilities to take care of him till he dies. I
cant leave him for u. I can only have a life after I'm free from him...

Being Stupid

currently at work and staring into blank space. I was daydreaming that i
was in outer space in a space shuttle.
Turning my head to the porthole, i saw a spacecraft debri passing by n
heading for earth.
The next thing i see is, I'm back on earth and watching the debri zooming
towards me (all the fire n sparks).

The next thing i hear is the sound of the thunder, scaring me half to
death, thinking the debri is really coming for me.
Thank God it's only my daydream.

Itching for some table action

I think I'm really obsessed with mahjong. Hearing the sounds made by the
shredder and imaging it to be the sound of mahjong, i tell u I'm facing a
serious problem.

Distant

I'm feeling lost. I'm feeling lonely. where are all of you? Why are you not at my side when i need you all? Have i done something wrong? i dun hear from all of u anymore. I felt like I'm being cast aside like a rag doll, no longer needed, no longer wanted by anyone.

Why are you all doing this to me? when i need me, i nv turn away from you.. but where are u when i needed you? i tot i cld relie on you or at least hv someone to listen to my problems like i've done for u. but now i've got no one to tok to.

dont leave me alone. i'm tired n i cant cope alone anymore.

A different kind of lifestyle

Currently just paying more attention to my job as I have look after the
livelihood of 3 other pax. There are opportunities for a new relationship
but i dun wanna go think about it now as it will be unfair him. Of cuz i
can be a total bitch and play with other ppl's feelings but I think i have
enough trouble for now.

Not much different from when i last blogged, still working (passed my
probation le!! yeah!!). Usually is after work just go home straight.
Reach home feed Cedric / have dinner with my parents, head str to the room
for dramas with Cedric happily playing his DS beside me. Been trying to
make Cedric slp by 10.30pm for about 1 mth but he still refuses to slp
unless it's 11pm and must be after he finishes his chocolate milk. He is so
prone to nightmares and thus causing me to be sleep deprived. With that
comes the headache and plenty of other stuff.

Getting used to the new lifestyle

Being a single mom now can be a challenge. There are so many things i have to get used to w/o Colin ard. I guess I was so depended on him that he was burdened by it. But no point for me to harp on it. It has passed. Now, though i cant have much time for myself since i have to be both mom n dad for Cedric, I find that the time i spend with him is really enjoyable.

Most of the time Cedric used to play in the living rm by himself. Now he sits beside me and we would play the DS together. Often, I'm tempted to take it away to play by myself cuz he's not the sharing type. That is the time when playtime and discipline comes in together. I'll take the game from him and ask him to sit in front of me while i teach him hw to play the game.
It is also at this time I learn to be more patient with him. I used to cane him for the slightest mistake that he made. Often caninghim first before explaining why he is being caned for. But right now, it is different. When he misbehave the first time, I'll tell him off that what he did was wrong. And if he were to do it again, he'll be punished with a stroke of cane on his palm.

The second time the same mistake made, i'll come round with the cane and remind him tat he is to be punished. It's really comical when the punishment is being carried out. I'll ask him to stretch out his hand and open his palm. Then at this time he'll tell me something real cute like Mommy, cannot beat hard hard huh!!" (-_-lll)

At least now he knows that he'll be punished for the wrong things that he has done. I'll give myself a pat on the back for that..hehe~

For all my frens and relatives ard me, I just wanna say that I'm coping well now and do not worry about me. I have so much to look forward to and I'm definately looking forward to it. (dunno if all these make sense!!)

Hooray to Technology!!

To all my dear frens out there who are always bugging me to update my blog...here i am.

This is all thanks to Jess(Subct) who told me i can do my entry via email.
You see, i do not have the luxury to check out all the functions of Blogspot.
With this information, i can blog while I'm in office. But then it'll be all words and no pics.
Then, no excuse for me not to blog anymore.

So much about blogging, let me tok cock about other tech that I'm interested in.

Handphone: HTC Touch (Smartphone)

Pros:
1. Calendar function: ez to use and looks very nice...u can toogle the views by day, wks or mth.
2. Office mobile: Recently picked up a habit to note down my expenses, with Excel, i can sync with PC to create charts to keep track.
3. Application: Wattpad, allows me to d/l books and read them offline. I dun have to carry a heavy book ard.

Cons:
1. I so so hate the hp going into GPRS on its own. Caused me to pay for bandwidth that i didnt use at all.
2. Smart phones always hang... Dunno why
3. SMS is difficult as u hv to keep ur eyes on the screen.

Conclusion for phone: I'll still be using my HTC as i've grown accustomed to it.
I'm looking forward to the next generation, HTC Dream and I'm saving up for it.

Actually wanted to tok more abot other tech but suddenly more wrk came in...haiz~
Till tml den...jaa mata!