What is there left when love is gone?

Never have i thought that i'll find out for myself.

When love is gone, not even friendship is left. What is left of it is only mounts and mounts of heartache, endless despair. Not even hope is left.

Nothing. Empty.

Searching for a friend

There you were in ur uniform, going about doing your rounds. As always, your were meticulous. But still i only dare to watch you from afar. Afraid that you might get angry when u see me. You hvnt been toking to me since eons ago. I dunno wat made u angry, we just suddenly stopped toking. You were informed of my presence, and sudddenly u were out of my sight. I tried to search around but you were already gone. I woke up.

We had been best of friends yet we are now apart. Remarks were made about our friendship but I didnt really care about wat they say. We always worked well together as a team. we really understood each other. But then again, all these are gone. You never told me wat i did wrong.
Even when i want to look for you, i only dare to do so in my dreams. And even in my dreams i do not dare to approach you, afraid you'll get angry even more. tell me what i shd do?

One sickening thought

To run away from my probs. Wreck a chaos before i do. severe all ties. leave the innocents out of this family.

My parents hvnt been the nicest ones ard so why shd i treat them the same? they hv been given a place to stay and yet they take it for granted. Caught in the middle of all these, Colin n Cedric are the ones that are suffering. Bcuz of these parents, I'd rather divorce with Colin so that he is not inflicted by the damages. Without my parents, they will lead a happier life. I dun blame Colin. To a point that, even if one day I find out that he is cheating on me I still wun blame him. He has had enuff. I dun deserve him. I will chose to leave him not becuz he cheat on me but bcuz that is the only way to make him leave me. He deserves someone better than me. Cedric deserves a better mother. Not someone who hits him and scolds him when she is down. Cedric deserves to grow up in a better environment. Away from my parents. Cedric is better off with Colin when they goes back to my in laws place.

Leave. leave the home that I've created with Colin. It shdnt be there in the first place. A dream that shd nv materialise. A dream that became a nightmare. I am cursed. Return peace to those that have been dragged into it. I shd hv abort the baby when i had a chance. why did i bring him into this world to face all this shit? why shd he shoulder all my misdeeds?

Revenge. divorce Colin then split the house. they din pay for it. why shd they have a say in it? the hse has to go. They can go fend for themselves. they shd be tot a lesson. they will be homeless. they think my sister is willing to take them in? they are kidding themselves. she choose to get married earlier to leave this hm. if not bcuz of a the enc-bloc, u think i dun want to hv my own hse too? one moment of mercy, i dragged my husband and son into this whirlpool of shit that comes from the 2 of u. We have to options to go to Colin's hse. let u go pay for ur own flat...if u can afford that is. when we got the hse key, u get the cash check. Not us. Yet you were surprised when i said u guys din pay for the hse. yah...for the mere 6k tat was taken from ur CPF. I can top up that amount into ur acct anytime.

since i was young, u said that you wun rely on us to take care of u. U already planned to stay in the old folks home. I hope that u meant wat u said. I pray that u are prepared and really found a home to stay. cuz i wun hesitate to throw u guys out. even if I'd be blamed for being heartless, even if I'll be condemned. I have had enuff.

dun judge me. i hv a life tat nobody understands except for myself and God. I have forsaken him, i have forsaken myself. I will be the Devil if i must protect the ones that i love.